


Unravel Me

by ameerkatofficial



Series: To The Moon and Back [3]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Almost Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Dates, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkwardness, Canon Non-Binary Character, Consent Issues, Flashbacks, Nonbinary Character, One Shot Collection, Other, Reconciliation, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25047244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ameerkatofficial/pseuds/ameerkatofficial
Summary: A collection of little moments between Juno and Nureyev while we wait for the next goddamn episode. We pray these two work things out.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Series: To The Moon and Back [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1751119
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	1. Her Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juno and Nureyev go to a bodega and Juno's mind wanders...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just trying to get into the mood to write again. Got all this nervous energy and no outlet...

It wasn't meant to be this way. He was meant to have a wife, a job, but the first ended long ago, and the latter, well...

Who knew at this point? All he knew is that he took his old desk name tag with him...and the old wedding dress was still stuffed into a closet in his apartment. But he thought about it often. It was simple, white, hip hugging, off-the-shoulders. Rita embroidered a pair of lace sleeves for it herself, actually, back when she thought it could have worked, back when the boys at HCPD were lining up to come to the killer bachelor party Mick was planning. 

But they were far from that old dress now. Now he and Nureyev were at a small bodega on the outskirts of some city. It was sunset, tinted blue by the radiation filters. There was soft music drifting by and by, but Juno did little but absorb it, through his nose, into his skin. 

"You haven't touched a thing on your plate, Juno."

Juno jumped in his seat, finding that he had been stirring some peas and carrots, but never quite scooping them, never beginning the process of placing them into his mouth. And then he looked up to find Nureyev, frowning gently at him. There were days when he'd forget that he was there, that Nureyev found him again, at last. Part of him wanted to lean over and touch the other's face, just to ensure that it wasn't some dream, some desert-induced hallucination, or some flashback at the end of his life. He had to restrain himself from doing so, for fear of throwing the peas. Juno replied instead with a noise that was likely meant to be words at some point, until he changed his mind halfway through moving his lips. He stabbed a carrot, but his fork did not quite make it to liftoff. 

"Juno...you know you're supposed to put those in your _mouth_ , right?" the other tilted his head, smooth, black hair shifting along with it. Juno was dully fascinated with this sight, though his attention was mostly occupied by the sound of his own heart.

Nureyev sighed. "You're making that face again, you know?"

"What _face_ , huh?" came Juno's first real reply, indignant as usual.

"The _I-don't-quite-know-where-I-am_ face. Rita and I have a running total of how often you make this face."

"I...don't wanna know the number..."

Nureyev smiled with his lips pressed thin, but the expression evaporated. He leaned forward and gently placed his hand over Juno's and spoke in a whisper as soft as a breeze. "Where are you right now, Juno?"

_"In some crappy little bodega, where else?"_

Nureyev gave a threatening half smile and tilted his head to the side once again. His eyebrows rose and fell, and Juno's own defensiveness fell along with them.

"In my closet, in Hyperion City..." the ex-detective grumbled.

The thief gave a full smile at last, baring his sharp teeth. "Now whatever could you be doing in there, Juno?" he asked, leaning in to try to catch Juno's avoidant gaze. "If you forgot your favorite shirt in there, I'm afraid it might be a little too late to go back and get it."

"Hey, look, _I'm_ not the one who has a patterned button-down of almost _everything_ in the galaxy--like what is that you're even _wearing_ right now? _Salmon swimming upstream?"_

"It was a gift," Nureyev answered without skipping a beat, "From _Earth_. Anyway," he adjusted his glasses with one hand, not letting go of Juno with the other, "I have a feeling this is about a little more than a _shirt_ , isn't it?"

Those dark eyes could see through him. Juno waited for Nureyev to just miraculously pull the answer out of him, despite not even knowing a thing about Juno's previous love life. Looking into those eyes, Juno was convinced Nureyev already knew _every detail_. Juno stalled with a fork, picking up the single cubed carrot, chewing thoughtfully between his teeth for much longer than necessary, before swallowing, all while holding eye contact.

"It's a wedding dress, alright?" Juno sputtered out alright. "You know, for a _wedding_."

_"Yours?"_

"No, Nova's-- _yes, mine!"_

Juno was on the verge of laughing, but Nurevey's face was smooth as marble. A single eyebrow rose."You...never told me you were married, Juno." His voice was soft, though the words came out on a harsh breath. 

Juno could only smile a bitter smile, though it tasted like a grimace instead. "Didn't quite get there, actually...she ran out the night before. I shoved the dress into the back of my closet. No big deal, you know."

"It sounds like a big deal to me..."

_"Well it isn't!"_

Before Juno could even complete the thought of wanting to pull away, Nureyev's hand clamped down onto his. He smiled again. "Sure. It doesn't seem like a big deal _at all."_

"Oh now _you're_ the sarcastic one!"

"And she suddenly left you, eh? Well...that explains things..."

_"--what sort of things?"_

Nureyev stopped talking, stopped smiling, though he didn't stop holding onto Juno's hand. They spoke without words, arguing through the touch of fingertips on skin. Nureyev's hand engulfed Juno's, then Juno's hand flipped, and he slowly ran his thumb across Nureyev's knuckles.

"That was rude of me," Nureyev spoke first.

_"Yes it was."_

"And it would be bad form for me to pry, but..." and then Nureyev felt fear. It was written upon his face. A fear of not knowing the person in front of him, one that Juno had felt towards Nureyev once, before he crept into the other's mind one awful day, and got to meet Nureyev Senior himself. His eyes widened, his teeth clenched, Juno's thumb ran faster over Nureyev's knuckles. "I suppose it never came up..."

"You never asked," Juno replied quickly, "But...I should have told you..." 

Juno suddenly realized that Nureyev had never crept into his mind as well. There was a history, a time pre-Carte Blanche, even pre-Nureyev, that Juno never told, because half the time he pretended it never even existed, and part of him wished it really didn't. He trusted Nureyev, through and through, and yet Nureyev had no reason to trust Juno, nothing to base his love on besides whatever Juno told him. Nureyev simply would have to pray it was all the truth, or that he could at least deal with whatever the truth turned out to be. Juno stared at Nureyev, wondering where to start, _if_ to start, if Nureyev was truly the one to tell of some hard-boiled kid roaming around the streets of Hyperion City, with nothing but bloody knuckles and a whole lot of grit to face the little world that kid knew. 

Perhaps Juno would trust Nureyev with such stories one day, but for now he began with his ex-fiancée's name. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess the ex is a gal *shrug* 
> 
> Anyway communication is important, kiddos!


	2. Nerves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juno and Nureyev attempt to spice things up to rekindle their romance, and it goes terribly wrong...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh... sexual themes are brought up, and allusions to non-consensual stuff and things (not outright but recall when Juno was forced to read Nureyev's mind and then the Soul took over Juno's uh...mind? yeah...if this sorta stuff triggers you, don't read!)   
> Also anxiety.

Intimacy takes many forms--between palms enclosed and fingers entwined, between lips, between secrets. Intimacy can be the prayers one speaks to God on High, or the prayers stuttered out between someone's legs, or seeing God in someone's eyes. 

Tonight, the two sat an arm's length apart. Juno's thick hand was laid over Nureyev's thinner one. There was a condom on the nightstand beside Nureyev. 

_Take it slow._ They had said they'd take it slow. But it had been so long that they each could hardly recall what the other smelled like--or so they said. But Nureyev knew the scent of laser fire and aftershave anywhere. And Juno would never get that wretched cologne out of his mind. 

_Take it slow._ But how slow was _slow?_ It had been five minutes, and neither of them had made a move to even _look_ at each other. 

"I uh...I-I got ultra thin ones for you..." stammered the ex-detective.

 _"I noticed,"_ replied the thief, trying his best to sound impressed. "Strawberry-flavored is a nice touch."

_"Yeah..."_

_Silence._

Nureyev wore sheer, black stockings. Juno was barefoot. Nureyev brushed his stockinged toes against the side curve of the other's right foot. Juno choked down a giggle, discovering all of a sudden that he was quite ticklish. Nureyev felt the tremors run through Juno's arm and into his hand and stopped, sensing that this night was beginning to look hopeless.

"Is that a new cologne?" the thief asked. "It's nice, subtle...it suits you."

"You think so?"

The spark sputtered and died. They still had yet to look each other in the eyes. 

And still their palms betrayed them with sweat and shakes. The night was young, but how fast it seemed to wither. There was a candle on the dresser, shedding layers of scented wax that perfumed the air. Juno was starting to feel suffocated by the scent. 

"So uh...what are you gonna _do_ to me, _Nureyev?"_ Juno finally asked, despite feeling his heart beat out of his chest once he reached the other's name. He flexed his feet, cracking his toes, and swung his legs up and down. Nureyev sat still, studying the carpet below.

 _"Fuck_ you, most likely."

"No, _really?"_

 _"Sorry,"_ Nureyev gave a long sigh, stretching his neck. "I'm just _nervous._ "

Juno looked up at last, catching the sight of Nureyev, his silhouette striking in the dim light of the room. He felt his heart jump up to his throat then, but despite himself he kept looking, noticing his neatly combed, smooth black hair, the hint of a five-o'-clock shadow after a long day, making his pink lips look pinker. 

"You look... _nice_ , Nureyev..." Juno's voice was in a hush. The gentleness of his tone coaxed Nureyev out of his shell then, and he turned to look at Juno. He blinked in surprise at first, until his expression melted into a soft smile. He leaned in, a lock of his hair brushing against Juno's face as he took the other's hand in his two.

"And you look beautiful, Juno," Nureyev spoke in awe. He squeezed the other's hand tight, "Like a rose. I only wish to see your petals... _unfurl_..."

"Nureyev, that's the _dumbest--"_

The thief stole the ex-detective's lips in a sudden strike, and Juno almost felt himself slip into another time. He had _two_ eyes to see, an apartment, a life in a city he knew like the back of his hand. He had faith in its ability to grow, and his ability to help it. He had a man in his arms who he had promised to not let go-- _until he did._

Lips like silk, and strong hands that could tear Juno in two. Nureyev pushed him down, and Juno let him. Nureyev pulled off his shirt. And Juno--

\--recalled seeing a bruised boy calling out for his father. A boy who was betrayed by the next one who took up the mantle. A boy who learned to never trust the world, not even with his own name. A boy who grew into a man and trusted his name with the one whose only occupation was to arrest him. A man who screamed and screamed until his throat was raw out in that terrible place in the martian desert. Juno saw his own life flash before his eyes through the reflection of that coffin he shoved Nureyev into. He felt that pain, that immense pain, the voices, he felt his mind reach into and violate Nureyev over and over and over, until a piece of the man came loose and embedded itself into Juno Steel forever.

And then his own trust was breached by a man who he adored once upon a childhood, and even now. His own mind and body were breached by his creations with their spindly legs embedding themselves into his skin. He recalled his own mind being held hostage for months, slowly, insidiously, by who he prayed for to save Hyperion City, and then all at once when he could no longer save Hyperion City himself. 

Nureyev's chest was beautiful, smooth in the candlelight. He wore a roguish grin, bearing his sharp teeth. His lithe hands held Juno down, pinning him by the shoulders. He rushed down to steal Juno's lips once again.

_"Nureyev, stop!"_

Nureyev jumped, all sharp angles as his hands shot up and away from Juno's shoulders. "Juno...are you _alright?"_

Juno sat up as well, feeling lightheaded. Nureyev wrapped his arms around the other and Juno was thankful, for he feared he might collapse. He was sweating. 

"I'm not feeling it tonight, Nureyev," he groaned. He leaned in for a quick peck, before extricating himself from the other's arms. "I think I'm gonna call it a night." His voice was tight.

Nureyev was quick to get off of Juno's lap and pick up his shirt off the floor. Juno was quick to flee, leaving his shoes and socks behind. He was nauseous. Nureyev stood and blew out the candles, and let the darkness melt into the room as he watched the ex-detective dash out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, how my heart aches.


End file.
